


miu iruma and the giant spiked purple dildo of doom

by OgresHaveLayers



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Character Death, Comedy, Crack, Dildos, Everyone is Dead, Mild Gore, Mild Sexual Content, Murder, Planet Destruction, Unrequited Love, Weapons of Mass Destruction, enjoy my dudes :), i am so sorry for anyone who sits through this, no beta we die like men, writing this was like a fever dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:26:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28243131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OgresHaveLayers/pseuds/OgresHaveLayers
Summary: Miu finds an item that wasn't supposed to exist and uses it to find salvation...But not in the way that you'd expect.(Based on that one Miu sprite. You know... the one with the... yeah. Yeaaaahhh...)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	miu iruma and the giant spiked purple dildo of doom

The night was silent, dark and desolate. Not a soul wandered across the grounds, and everything was still. Crickets didn’t chirp, bats didn’t screech, and the halls of the Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles were vacant. All of the academy’s students were tucked into their beds, sleeping the night away.

Except for the illustrious Miu Iruma, that was. 

The inventor was wide awake and hard at work. She had become well-acquainted with her research lab’s various ins and outs during the first part of the killing game. After the death of Kaede and Rantaro (F in the chat), however, she had become obsessed with learning its secrets on a whole other level. Often forgetting to eat and drink, the inventor let all things in her life slide to the wayside as she threw herself into her work. Every single item, gadget, and strange chemical was to be experimented with, cataloged, and made useful.

It was an effort that was not misplaced. She was working on her latest invention and sorting through the piles upon piles of materials for a stray part when she pricked her hand on something pointy. Letting out a startled shriek, the inventor quickly withdrew her hand, pouting and sucking on her injured finger. With narrowed eyes, she cautiously leaned forward, attempting to locate the cause of her misery.

There, in the pile of unsorted widgets and doohickeys, she saw it: the dildo of doom.

Her pupils dilated, and Miu stopped breathing for a moment. Was… this it? The secret to her escape? It was bigger and badder than any dildo she had ever made, and twice as intimidating. Entranced, she carefully lifted the beast of a toy out of the pile and examined it hungrily. Her eyes devoured every inch of the gorgeous purple expanse of silicone. Bulbous at its head, thick at its base, and covered in spikes, it was so much more than a simple dildo.

This? This was _salvation._

Salivating, Miu trembled as she held the (moderately safer) wooden stick wedged into the dildo’s bottom end. A wild, frantic energy coursed through her veins as she wielded the toy, its sheer weight setting her body on fire. A small voice in the back of her head told her that this toy was never supposed to be found, and that wielding it would lead her onto a path that not even the game's shitty organizers had mapped out. But Miu didn’t care - this dildo was _hers_ now, and they'd have to pry it from her cold, dead hands if they wanted it back.

Salvation imminent, Miu stayed up that night preparing to undertake her mission. New gloves were made, new clothing was designed, and by the time morning came, she was finally ready. Her body was covered in lightweight yet strong body armor, and her hands were encased in thick gloves meant to resist the doom dildo’s barbs. Her goggles were reinforced to withstand greater force without breaking, and her boots were augmented with springs to improve both speed and agility.

Dark circles lined her eyes, and her stomach growled. But Miu couldn’t eat nor sleep - no, she had a holy mission to undertake, and she was intent on getting it done as quickly and as efficiently as possible. Every cell in her remarkably gorgeous body was hellbent on ending the game, and she had an avenue to do it, now.

She exited her research lab with the dildo of doom clutched in her right hand. Sweat beaded on her forehead, and she shivered in anticipation. There was no one in sight quite yet, but soon… oh yes, soon she would see them. Milling around, unaware and unburdened by the task Miu now had, they would never see her coming… or perhaps they would, and being none the wiser, would allow Miu to approach.

That would be their first (and last) mistake.

Miu prowled the grounds, listening intently for any signs of life. It took no more than ten minutes before she heard it: conversation. Heart rate rising, Miu ducked into the fading shadows of dawn and waited for the voices to grow closer. Soon, she could identify the two conversing parties: Tenko and Himiko were walking together, with the latter more asleep than she was awake. As they passed Miu’s hiding spot, the inventor crept out into the open.

Tenko was the first to notice they were being trailed. She turned, falling into a fighting stance and glaring at Miu, “Miu! Tenko sees you are following her and…”

The girl fell silent as she took in Miu’s weapon, face contorting in disgust. Before the aikido master could strike, Miu slammed the dildo into Tenko’s abdomen, knocking the breath from her lungs. Tenko stumbled backwards, and Miu didn’t hesitate. With a flurry of well-placed strikes, Miu rendered the aikido master unconscious. Figuring she’d expire soon enough, Miu, frenzied now, turned to Himiko. The red-head was…

Sleeping. Through all the commotion and bloodshed, she had been sleeping. Miu blinked, momentarily hesitating… was it really this easy? Shrugging, she bopped Himiko on the head with her doom dildo. The girl dissolved into a flurry of doves, and Miu batted the birds away as she headed onwards. With Tenko and Himiko taken care of (being turned into a flock of doves probably counted as dying… right?), Miu felt even more pumped up. The spiky sex toy of terror was embuing her with almost superhuman-like reflexes, and she was already hungry for more violence.

The next person to feel her wrath was Kaito. He was up bright and early, jogging around outside when he came across a rather bloody Miu. Immediately, he skidded to a halt and looked the inventor up and down, “Jesus! Miu, what ha-?”

Ha! Like Miu was going to let the stupid space himbo speak. She dove at him, swinging her dildo of doom and destruction and desolation and dead-ing right between his legs. The astronaut screamed, falling over and promptly dying due to the prospect of living a life without balls. As he flopped over like a ragdoll, Miu suddenly was compelled to dance, and she orange justiced over his limp form for a couple of seconds before she went skipping off.

Her hunger (for food, but also murder) was really starting to get to her now. Figuring some other students might be in the cafeteria, she made her way over. As she entered, she saw three students inside - Angie, Kokichi, and Keebo. Angie was trying to indoctrinate a very confused Keebo into her religion, and Kokichi was sneakily launching spitballs into the robot’s hair. No one noticed Miu right away, giving her time to jam a chair beneath the door and lock them inside the room.

Deciding to make a dramatic entrance, Miu grabbed a plate off the table, threw it into the air, and then proceeded to hit the plate with her dildo like it was a baseball. She really only intended to launch the plate at the wall, but the dildo had one mode and one mode only: kill. The plate’s fragments shot across the room and impaled Kokichi so brutally that he peed a little before he died. Keebo, standing with his back to Kokichi, was drenched in blood and short circuited himself on accident, collapsing to the floor in a heap.

Angie, meanwhile, glowed bright white. Miu heard her calling out to her god and watched as she manifested a beam of light that shot towards Miu. The inventor, of course, was ready - she deflected the beam with her doom dildo and the energy slammed back into Angie, causing her to turn to dust right before Miu’s eyes. Unfortunately, the energy also destroyed the kitchen, meaning that there was no longer a way for Miu to get any food. Saddened, but undeterred, Miu decided to snort Angie’s ashes for a quick “rush” until she found some snacks.

After inhaling the artist, Miu naruto ran down the hallway. Ryoma, who’d been standing in the middle of the hallway and minding his own business, was promptly run over and demolished by Miu and her terror toy. Miu didn’t actually realize Ryoma was dead until she saw his little minion hat was stuck on her foot. She scowled and kicked it off. As she was contemplating where to look for food, she spotted Maki eating some takis out of the corner of her eye. Driven mad by hunger, Miu abruptly changed direction and hit the unsuspecting assassin with her dildo. The girl was no match for the dildo of doom - she blasted through the ceiling and into the atmosphere, burning up once she hit space.

The takis lay, unclaimed, on the ground. Snarling like a wild dog, Miu descended on the bag, ripping the plastic apart and shoving her whole face into the food. She was so hungry that she even ate the bag itself, licking where the taki dust had fallen and making sure not to spare a single crumb. She ran on all fours down to the library, coming across Kirumi tidying the shelves. The maid was quick - Miu went to stab her and Kirumi dodged to the side, throwing a kitchen knife towards Miu. The knife grazed her, but only damaged her armor. With a hiss, Miu threw herself at Kirumi and slapped her with the doom dildo until she died.

Leaving Kirumi’s lifeless body on the floor, Miu pounded on her chest like a gorilla and let out a fearsome bellow. Gonta, thinking there was an actual gorilla in the academy, came down to the library to see what was going on. He’d scarcely uttered the words “Gonta have banana, is monkey hungry?” before Miu collided with him. Spinning like a beyblade, Miu drilled right through Gonta, spraying his entrails all over the walls. Surprisingly, Gonta wasn’t actually filled with organs - he was actually just a lot of bugs in a human suit, not an actual person.

Fleeing the insects that had been crawling around in Gonta’s flesh suit, Miu crab walked over to the AV room. Inside of the room was Korekiyo, who was busy watching some weird anime about step-siblings who were deeply in love with one another. When Miu snuck up and slapped him with the doom dildo, however, Korekiyo actually seemed kind of into it. Frowning, Miu stepped back.

“Wait, what? This is supposed to kill everyone!” She exclaimed, thoroughly puzzled.

Korekiyo, who was rolling on the floor and meowing like a cat, gave no response. Miu groaned and just kicked him until he died. She could tell he was dead because he flattened out and crumpled up into a ball before poofing out of existence. Once he was dealt with, Miu only had two more losers to kill - Shuichi and Tsumugi. Luckily for Miu, Shuichi was outside the door, frozen in fear. Miu bitch-slapped him with the dildo and his protagonist juice drained from his body. The inventor quickly glugged the juice down and felt her power levels increase tenfold. As it turns out, you have a lot of power as a protagonist, but Shuichi was just a little bitch.

Glowing with barely contained protagonist energy, Miu no-clipped through the school’s walls to go find Tsumugi. Surprisingly, Tsumugi was actually in an area that wasn’t on the map, and she was talking to Monokuma. Although it was only Chapter 2, Miu’s protag energy mixed with the dildo’s destructive power gave Miu the ability to see the truth… Tsumugi was the mastermind! Passing through the wall, Miu leapt onto Tsumugi, immediately trying to kill her. However, Tsumugi was prepared - Monokuma, her faithful servant, slapped Miu off, and Tsumugi revealed that she wielded the second-most powerful weapon in the game… Junko’s wig of despair! Flapping the wig around, she ran forwards and delivered blow after blow to the inventor’s body. Miu was paralyzed by the time Tsumugi was done with her, and slumped down against the wall.

_Is this the end?_ Miu wondered, watching with blurry vision as Tsumugi let out a frustrated screech and threw Junko’s wig to the side. Turning on her heels, the cosplayer held her hands on her hips and gave a stern look to Miu.

“Really? REALLY? Out of all the idiots who could have found my secret weapon… it was YOU? UGH!” said Tsumugi, throwing her hands into the air.

The cosplayer paced, and Miu bided her time, waiting for her strength to return and for Tsumugi to provide an opening. Tsumugi grabbed her wiggy weapon again, stress French braiding Junko’s wig (which had been harvested from the original Junko Enoshima) as she monologued, “Everything I did, everything I wanted… it was RUINED! By you! You ruined it! I spent soooooo much time picking out my perfect cast and creating a perfect killing game. There was going to be DRAMA, DESPAIR, and HEARTBREAK! But you… you destroyed it! You weren’t even supposed to get a hold of that damn thing. Sure, I thought it was funny in the BETA trials, but in the main game? No! No way! It’s too powerful! Hell, that thing could even destroy the dome, if it gobbled me up. But-”

_This is my chance!_ Miu thought, surging to her feet as Tsumugi continued to drone on about her plans for the game. Monokuma, dead asleep from all the awful exposition, didn’t even wake up as Miu stabbed her purple dildo through Tsumugi’s heart. The mastermind spluttered, looking down in rage at where the toy had penetrated skin. Weakly, she tried to slap Miu with the despair wig… to no avail. Miu felt the mastermind’s power absorb into her bloodstream, and Monokuma, who’d been awakened by Tsumugi’s awful death screeching, could do nothing to stop it. Miu was invincible now that she’d absorbed the energy of all her classmates AND the mastermind. Tsumugi prattled on in a raspy, broken voice as she died, but Miu didn’t listen. She was strong, so strong. Nothing could stop her, and the voices of mortals sounded like the footsteps of ants - silent, insignificant, and _small_.

Monokuma and the Monokubs exploded into a pile of fluff upon gazing at Miu’s true form. She flew outside and glowed even brighter than before, holding the dildo in her hands and aiming it at the dome. Charging up all the power in her body, she channeled it into the dildo of doom and fired. In a flash of light and an explosion of rubble, the dome broke. Alighting on the ground, Miu calmly walked towards the hole in the side of the dome and towards salvation.

* * *

_Meanwhile, at the Team Danganronpa Headquarters…_

Alarms blared, interns screamed, and several of the tech crew were rocking in a corner and pleading for their mothers. A few small fires and multiple fights had broken out on the floor, with a handful of frazzled secretaries attempting to keep the peace. Above the chaotic office space, the managers of the hour were merrily sharing a drink as they watched Miu destroy the academy. 

“So… this is going to be one hell of a season, huh?” said the junior manager, looking up from his bottle.

“Sure is, brother.” replied the head manager, setting down his now empty bottle and reaching for another.

The junior manager’s shaking hands betrayed his nerves as he cleared his throat and watched Miu ascend into the sky, “It’s better this way, I think. Things like this? They deserve to go out with a bang.”

The senior manager laughed, “Har har, you’ve got a good sense of humor on you, Dwayne - I like that.”

Dwayne’s grip on his bottle tightened as a blast rocketed through the air - the dome was breached, and Miu was on her way. He didn’t respond at first, looking at his shaking fingers.

“So this is it, isn’t it? The end?” he croaked, trying to stop tears from spilling out of the corners of his eyes.

The senior manager hummed in agreement. Both managers looked at one another, a spark igniting between them. The junior manager blushed, and the senior manager drew closer. Nervous, Dwayne let out a shaky breath, “Senior-manager-senpai, I’m… deeply in love with you! I’ve a-always been, but I haven’t had a chance to say it.”

The senior manager smiled, and Dwayne’s pulse quickened. His senpai motioned for Dwayne to lend him an ear, and blushing even harder, Dwayne did. 

“I’m sexually attracted to trees.” The senior manager whispered, and the building blew up.

* * *

As soon as Miu exited the dome, she immediately exploded, since she wasn’t actually supposed to survive. The force of the blast was so immense and so concentrated that the dildo created a super-massive black hole that sucked in the entire universe and reset time. Everyone died, but in the end… 

The purple spiked dildo of doom remained.


End file.
